Q.
What is Tantra?
Tantra
is an art, a science, a way of life that is honest and courageous.
It includes and faces squarely our sexual energy, this awesome
force that some religions fear and want to suppress. It can be
used to help us reach our highest potential of pleasure, and union
with the divine. Tantra
does not require anyone to follow any dogmas. Rather, it encourages
us to discover through our own experience our true creative potential
for pleasure, and our ability to connect with all the elements
that surround us, and the spirit that we all share.To achieve
this, it offers a series of exercises in breathing, tone vibrations,
the use of certain muscles, and concentration on certain symbols
representing the energy centers of the body. This helps us clear
blocks interfering with the movement of energy, and guides us into
altered states of consciousness. There we can transcend our everyday
self-identification, and we can get a glimpse of our true larger
reality. It's a state of great expansion and
orgasmic pleasure that surpasses by far the short-lived ejaculatory
orgasm that many are accustomed to.
Q.
How is it possible for a man to have an orgasm without ejaculation?
Using
tantric principles, such as breathing, visualizing, and squeezing
the love muscles to draw sexual energy from the sex organs
up the spine to the back of the brain, a man can learn to ride
the waves of orgasm and start coasting along the crest of those
waves like a skilled surfer. He can go down in the valley of the
wave and enjoy playing more safely in a sweet and intensive romantic
space, absorbing the benefits resulting from the heightened pleasure
he just achieved. He feels as if he's buzzing with energy, more
open and tender toward his partner and himself. They
can look into each other's eyes, exchange gentle caresses,
or simply breathe together to expand the state of bliss. All this
can be done without the man losing the precious life-force contained
in his semen. Then the couple can proceed to make love actively,
and reach several peaks in one love session. After having reached
several peaks and experienced several body orgasms, he can choose
to have an ejaculatory orgasm if desired.
Q.
How does tantric sex deepen the love between couples?
The
tantric couple makes a commitment to keep their love fresh
by scheduling time for long love sessions at least once
a week. The beginning of every relationship is easy.
Everything is new and exciting, and chemistry is carrying us through:
We see only what is good about our lover. For some of
us, however, after a couple of years when we seem to know everything
about each other, and we have made love in all imaginable
positions and in every room in the house, boredom might
start to creep in. To avoid this we must go deeper into
the realms of the emotions, the psyche, and the spirit.
Setting time aside to play together is the best way to
discover new things about each other, which makes the
relationship exciting again.Another
way to keep the relationship passionate is to commit to a short
time of physical connection once a day, even if for only ten minutes.
Here the intention is just to express the nurturing and caring
for each other without setting a goal of actually "having
sex." It's important to nurture each other, especially
when we might start to close our hearts and become numb after
repeated disagreements that seem impossible to resolve. After
the ten-minute physical nurturing connection, it's often
easier to come to a loving solution and restore the good
feelings. The body remembers how good it feels to be in harmony
with, and sexually excited by, the partner. The mind--which
usually wants to prove itself right in any argument--gives
in instead to the feeling of warmth and pleasure, possibly
finding a win-win solution to the argument. After this period
of closeness, we're usually in a much more rational position
to decide what would be the best investment of our time together--either
making love, or proving who's right and who's wrong.
Q.
Lately I have been experiencing problems with getting and keeping
an erection. I was used to getting fully erect as soon as I saw
a desirable woman. I liked the way my sexual potency made me
feel. I want it back. How can Tantra help me regain my potency?
Thank
you for sharing intimately with me. Being honest is probably
the best pre-requisite to successfully studying Tantra. Unless
you have an obvious medical problem, the tantric breathing and
PC muscles exercises help regain the potency you once had. Counseling
with an experienced tantric therapist can help you trace the root
of the problem with the love and compassion that tantra generates.
As we are getting on in age we no longer have enough
energy available to suppress Your problem might have been caused
by emotional or psycho-spiritual blocks that might exist in your
psyche. Perhaps it is an old guilt or a hidden abuse issue that
you never address or some fear of getting old, or bitterness, or....
I don't know you enough to attempt making assumptions. I am known
for doing 'laser-beam therapy' once I can be face to face with
a client. Sometimes the worry about "it" is what makes
it worse. Tantric tools can help you relax and enjoy the moment
of intimacy whether you have an erection or not, and if left alone
by 'the controlling' mind, you might surprise yourself with a strong
erection that you can sustain as long as you desire. I hope I can
be of help. You have the right to a fulfilling life on all levels.
Q.
Why is communication so stressed in Tantra?
Many
of us believe that we're great lovers, and that we
can read our partner's mind about what he or
she likes in sex. As tantric practitioners, however,
we discover the nuances of pleasure that we miss
when we're only goal-oriented, so we develop
the ability to ask. The person who's asked sometimes
has to overcome his or her shyness or embarrassment
in explaining what is most pleasurable. Some
people are so afraid to ask for what they want that they
don't allow themselves even to become aware of
how their needs are not being fulfilled. Lots
of patience and gentle coaxing can help the receiving
lover become aware and express his or her needs,
and slowly open up to more pleasure.When
we communicate fully and with great honesty, the
results are wonderful. Usually our partners love
giving us what we want. Giving us pleasure increases
their pleasure. Asking for what we want (and
receiving it) increases our trust in each other,
and therefore our closeness and love.
Q.
I feel tingling and sometimes lightheaded when I'm doing my deep
diaphragm breathing. Am I doing something wrong?
Thank
you for feeling safe enough to ask for clarification on your process
toward learning deep diaphragmatic breathing to open up locked
energies in your body. I recommend that you breathe for about 20
minutes if you feel safe with the tingling, which is caused by
waking up energy that is stored in your body. If you relax fully
while you're exhaling, the tingling will subside and you will enjoy
heightened energy. After that just rest and relax or proceed to
make love to yourself or with a partner.NB:
Hyperoxygenation happens only when you force the exhalation. A
safe way to remember to relax on the exhalation is to allow yourself
to make the sound of Aaa...and let all the air empty by itself
without forcing it out by blowing or controlling it. Just let yourself
sigh it out.
Q.
How long does it take to learn ejaculatory control?
How
quickly a man can learn to control his ejaculation
response depends on how much he practices,
and the attitude he practices with. It's
almost a paradox: The more patient and loving
you are with yourself, the less in a
hurry to achieve quick results, the faster you'll
learn. That's because relaxation is the key,
and you can't be relaxed if you're very
goal-oriented. When you're goal-oriented,
you're tense and usually judgmental.
Ideas like, "I don't know if
I'll ever learn this stuff.....Perhaps it's not for me....I'm wasting
my time...." or similar discouraging thoughts will retard
the process of learning.So be
positive and loving. Start with self-pleasuring sessions as though
you would pleasure the body of a god, or a person you love and
admire. In such a case you wouldn't care how long it takes that
person to learn ejaculation control, or anything else. It helps
if you set the mood by lighting a candle, burning your favorite
incense, and perhaps having some of your favorite flowers and/or
inspiring pictures in view. The right kind of music can help set
the right atmosphere for relaxation as well. Each time you pleasure
yourself and feel an ejaculation approaching, try to become more
consciously aware of all the signals your body is sending you.
With practice, you'll be better able to anticipate--and then regulate--your
reaction.By the
way, the more I work with clients concerned about ejaculation control,
the more I realize that the word "control" is
not really appropriate. It's rather a redistribution
of energy throughout the body. With breathing
techniques and the use of your PC (pubo-coccyceal)
muscles, you engage your imagination. Visualize
that you're bringing the very hot energy
that has collected around your genitals to
the rest of your body--especially to your
heart--mixed with a feeling of love for yourself.
It's almost as if you're opening up a dam
and letting the flow of water run along the
river. Imagine that it's a river of warm
energy, love and light, spreading throughout
your body.I hope
this helps you a little. Obviously most people
need more than one session before they can
actually own the techniques that will extend
their pleasure by postponing the ejaculation.
It helps when someone knowledgeable can guide
you through the experience.
Q.
Lately my wife keeps finding excuses not to have sex with me.
Can Tantra help?
First you should express your sadness that
you no longer exchange all the physical pleasure
you had at the start of your marriage. When you
present yourself in this vulnerable way, your
wife is likely to open up to you much more. Listen
carefully to her reply, using your heart as well
as your ears, noting her body language as well
as her words. Men are always ready to offer a
solution to a problem, or to repair what's broken,
but that's not always what women want. If you
listen quietly without offering any suggestions
yourself, your wife will probably feel free enough
to express many hidden feelings. She
might feel resentful about something you're
not even aware of, which makes her feel less loving toward you.
It might be as simple as you coming home late from work too often.
It might be that you no longer take all the time you used to take
with kissing, caressing, massaging, and loving her in other ways
before engaging in intercourse. Encourage her to continue expressing
her emotions, so that she feels safe in telling you things she
might have been afraid of mentioning (or that you might not have
listened to) before. Resentments
left unspoken are sure to cut off sexual
desire and response. Sexual relations are so good at the beginning
of a relationship because each partner is eager to communicate
heartfelt feelings to the other. When you reinstate this spirit
of fully open and honest communication, passion will return. This
approach is part of what Tantra teaches you.
Q. My girlfriend doesn't get turned
on by the way I make love, but she won't tell me how she wants
it. What can I do?
This is a common frustration among men. They're expected to know
everything, so some men are even reluctant to ask for driving directions
or any other advice, because they'd be admitting there's something
they don't know. When a man finally does ask his partner what she
Tantra Instructor Jovanka Teaches Couples How to Expand Sacred
Sexuality into Tantric Spiritual Intimacy wants, as you've done,
it's even more frustrating not to get a clear-cut and precise answer. But
I'm a woman and I can understand the reason.
Many women actually don't know what they want themselves, having
never felt it was necessary to do so. Thus they can't explain what
turns them on. Tantra encourages women to practice sensuously arousing
themselves, experimenting with many different touches and strokes. Many
women are surprised to discover how many
different erogenous zones they have, and how to pleasure each one.
The next tantric step is for the women to let their lovers watch
as they slowly stimulate themselves to orgasm with different techniques.
Every man loves watching, and loves even more being able to give
his partner that much pleasure, once he knows what arouses her.
Tantra teaches much more about this subject, but this is a good
beginning.
Q. How can I introduce my wife to Tantra
without her misinterpreting my motives?
The tabloid press has spread many misconceptions about Tantra,
so some women equate its practice with primitive sexuality. Most
men seem more interested in their sexual expression, so they go
the extra mile to learn the true meaning of Tantra. Those who have
studied this ancient science know that it blends spiritual concepts
with sensual satisfaction, creating harmony between the partners.
If women were aware that Tantra teaches much more than sexual positions,
they'd be more open to learning how much it can benefit their spiritual
and emotional lives. At group Tantra workshops and private Tantra
sessions, men are instructed on how to treat a woman like a Goddess,
and how to worship every part of her body and soul. Men
learn how to approach lovemaking the way
a woman likes, incorporating seven levels of kissing, bonding exercises
like soul-gazing, and very slowly arousing a woman with Private
Sessions for Men, Women and Couples increasingly stimulating touches.
The greater emotional and spiritual intimacy these practices create
between partners enhances the act of love itself. Men
learn tantric techniques to distribute their
sexual energy throughout their entire body, to maintain their erection
for as long as they want, and to have several full-body orgasms
even before entering her, without the need to ejaculate. Even after
an ejaculatory orgasm, the earlier buildup of energy allows a man
to continue caressing and communicating with his partner, telling
her how much he loves and appreciates her, instead of turning away
and falling asleep. This contributes to having a more harmonious
relationship, and can rejuvenate a marriage that has gone stale
over the years, benefiting the entire family.
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